smile_arigatou (smile_arigatou) wrote,

  • Music:

Personal Update: 12.24.2016 Merry Christmas Post!

Hello my friends! I hope everyone has been well in my hiatus. Believe me, I didn't mean to take a hiatus, but it just sort of happened I guess. For that, I sincerely apologize. I haven't posted much this year, and it breaks my heart because I wish that I had been more productive and creative but it's sort of hard to be those things when everything in your life doesn't seem to go right.

This year, my parents divorced after 25 years together. I'm not really upset at the divorce part (to be completely honest, I'm glad my mom got away from the negative environment that my father created), I'm more hurt and upset about who everyone seemed to turn into because of it. My dad is so bitter and spiteful, and he keeps making it out to be that he's the 'innocent' one in this situation, and he keeps lying to anyone who will listen that my mom is an evil shrew. He didn't used to be that person. Dad used to be loving and caring and honest. Now it feels like I cannot trust him anymore because I don't know if he's lying or not.

My mom, on the other hand, is more herself and more open to things than she ever was before. Since moving back in with her, I'm finally beginning to see where my 'crazy' personality came from. When I was a child, I used to think I was a freak because my personality never seemed to match either of my parents. I would be the outgoing, loud, excited child, and my parents would always tell me to 'stop being so crazy!' or they would give a look that would tell me to 'settle down now!'. It's no wonder I'm such an introvert now. I didn't realize that it was really Dad telling Mom to 'keep her under control', or that Mom had to repress her personality because he didn't like it. I didn't realize Dad was that controlling, so I'm so thrilled to see Mom finally become more of herself and to see her become the person she used to be before she got married. I don't really feel like such a black sheep anymore.

However, Mom and Dad are still fighting. This whole situation is just one big huge mess, and I've been left with the problem of 'how am I supposed to write a happy love story when there's nothing happy in my life?'. Mom and Dad were always my basis for how a love story should start, but now that I know how it ends it's hard to find anything positive. I don't know what I'm going to do...

Wow... sorry for writing such a sad post on Christmas Eve xD I guess I just wanted to explain a bit why I have been gone so much. I'm not trying to complain! Honest! I don't even know if anyone will read this, but at least maybe next year I can look back on this and thank God that I turned out okay.

Well, at least I hope I'll turn out okay.

I do want to start writing again! It might take some more time, but I will get back to it! I know I will! Until then, I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and that 2017 treats everyone better than 2016 did.

God Bless! Merry Christmas! I love each and every one of you, and you're all in my prayers!
Yours, smile-arigatou <3

Tags: 2016, new, personal, update
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 1 comment